quarter-life crisis

i have been writing a lot lately,
having my so-called quarter-life crisis.

i have not been sleeping well,
having difficulty in initiating sleep, as well as early awakenings.
my postural hypotension is getting worse,
having more and more mini blackouts for the past 1 week.

i'm full of moodiness, emo-ness,
sense of insecurities and lost,
self-doubts and frustrations,
and the worst is,
i don't even have the slightest idea about what i really want.

sometimes,
i do wish that i can be strong and independent,
surviving in a total new environment without depending on the others.
i wish that i can grow up,
and stop being such a blur and hopeless person.
why can't i??

(ps: comparing to my previous post, i guess i fit bipolar perfectly.)